Paper Plate Ponderings,
One of the most mentally, emotionally, and physically toxic things we can do is to hold onto unforgiveness. Unforgiveness is like a prison that we voluntarily lock ourselves into. It takes control of our emotions, causing a storm within us. This internal turmoil can often manifest in physical issues that are visible on an individual’s body.
Unforgiveness not only hardens our hearts but also puts them on lockdown. It’s a prison without bars, and the length of your sentence is the time it takes to release that which has caused you the “ultimate betrayal,” such as infidelity, a deep personal betrayal, or a significant loss.
“Ya but, Tracy you have no idea what I have been through”. “Ya but, Tracy you have no idea how much that person hurt me, I will never forgive them.” Now, Dear ones please hear me out. I am not saying at all that you should continually put yourself in harm’s way for the sake of forgiveness. If you’re being abused in any way your priority is SAFETY FIRST. I understand the pain and struggle of forgiveness, as I have personally experienced it. But I also know the freedom and peace it can bring.
I am saying that once the dust settles, forgiving the person that caused you pain is not about setting them free, it’s about liberating yourself to enjoy your best life. And who doesn’t want that? Let’s be truthful with one another, we have all been wounded at one time, some of us can keep it moving and others wear that wound like a badge it becomes part of their identity. What would happen if you released it to your higher power? What do you have to lose?
Steps to earn your super cape!!!!
Step 1: Decide to give that pain an eviction notice. No longer give it rent-free space in that beautiful head of yours. Then release it; just let it go, let that pain pass through you. This is the first step towards your super cape of forgiveness.
Step 2: take responsibility for your part. I once heard Dr Phil say, ‘there are two sides to every pancake’! This means that in any conflict, there are always multiple perspectives and everyone has their side of the story. Understanding this can help you see the situation more objectively and move towards forgiveness.
Step 3: Forgive yourself- This can be the hardest part of the process. We are our most prominent critics and can be relentless in ourselves. But forgiving yourself is also a powerful act of self-growth and self-compassion.
Step 4: Be aware of your emotions and feelings when you are reminded of a person, place, or thing- if those feelings are negative and bring up emotion, you still have some forgiving to do. I had a Pastor tell me that when you have truly forgiven someone, it’s when you can have a memory of the situation, but there is no sting in the memory.
Step 5: Accept that the situation happened. Accept that the relationship you thought was solid might be over, the job you love and spent 26 years at has ended, or that you’re not getting that borrowed tool/utensil back after a year.
Step 6: Lastly, closure is crucial. No matter how you slice the bread, it needs to happen because no matter what, the person that you are having problems with has most likely moved on. Meanwhile you are in a prison without bars. So, it’s time to find that key and unlock the door to your freedom.
Live your best life- pick out the color of your cape and wear it with pride because forgiveness is a superpower.